Christian Bale vs. Peter Facinelli
Battle of the Cruise-alike Heartthrobs-In-Waiting

Along with the news that Christian Bale has beat out the crowds of brooding competition (Jake Gyllenhaal? Joshua Jackson?!?) to become the next Batman, you may have heard a few yelps of joy (long-suffering fanboys) and moony sighs (Bale infatuates). You may have also heard one, long, bellowing wail of despair echoing through Hollywood's canyons.

That last sound? That would have been Peter Facinelli.

A few years back, in the Can't Hardly Wait/The Big Kahuna era, Facinelli was well-positioned as a young Tom Cruise-in-waiting: the same dark eyes, the same highly marketable juxtaposition of clean-cut good looks with a dash of bad-boy flare. In fact, there was some speculation that Facinelli wasn't just a Cruise manqué, but an actual clone. When he later landed a lead in the McG-produced TV series Fastlane as a ridiculously slickly dressed cop, zipping around pointlessly in throaty cars, his journey to the Cruise side seemed nearly complete.

Then it all went awry.

First, it turns out he was in the wrong McG-produced TV series. He would have been better off shaving that Robin Hood Van Dyke and hanging around the beaches of the O.C., collecting pukka shells for a necklace.

Second, he should have had an eye out for one Mr. Christian Bale, who's now come along to swipe Facinelli's Cruise-clone thunder. Who is this English punk, without an ounce of fat on him? Bale does daring indie buzz films (American Psycho). He does guilty-pleasure action (Reign of Fire). And now he does fading franchises (Batman V).

Few of the former Batmans -- Clooney, Kilmer, Keaton -- crow too much about this particular entry on their résumés, but the caped crusaders haven't done badly for themselves, post-cowl. (In fact, your post-Batman success seems to be indirectly proportional to the quality of your installment.)

The movie may stink, but in the worst-case scenario, Batman should be just enough to plant Bale's pleasantly Cruise-reminiscent mug in the fertile soil of America's celebrity consciousness. From there, Bale can only go on to conquer the country. Facinelli, however, is left wishing he had simply conquered Orange County.

Advantage: Bale