Kate Beckinsale vs. Claire Forlani
Battle of the Boring Brit Brunettes

A British actor can turn up in a cast full of Americans for a variety of reasons. If he's a middle-aged man, he could be playing one of those silky, refined, classy-ass villains, like Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. If he's a younger man, he could be an exotic object of desire, like Ben Chaplin in The Truth About Cats and Dogs. If she's a middle-aged woman, she could be a snooty know-it-all, like Natasha Richardson in Nell.

What we don't really understand is the reason casting directors keep giving young, female British actors roles playing Americans -- and that's about all Claire Forlani and Kate Beckinsale have been doing for the past few years. For her entire professional life, in fact, Claire Forlani has played nothing but Americans -- and not in especially distinguished roles, either. I mean, it's one thing when Kristin Scott Thomas plays an American Senator in a movie like Random Hearts; for one thing, she was headlining the movie, and for another, the role required that the character be American. We don't really understand what Claire got out of dropping her accent to play main characters' girlfriends in mediocrities like Mallrats, Basquiat, Meet Joe Black, Mystery Men, and the incredibly terrible Boys and Girls. Of course, we're not saying we want to see her get top billing in something like The Contender, because...she sucks. There's no point sugar-coating it. She's not a good actor, and the duck face isn't doing her any favours. We just think that there are already so many somewhat pretty, mediocre young, female actors who are already able to speak without a British accent, so why hire one who, in addition to sucking already, has an accent to conceal?

Kate Beckinsale has also played her share of Americans lately -- for no good reason, really -- in The Last Days of Disco, Brokedown Palace, and the upcoming Pearl Harbor. The difference is, in a nutshell, that Kate can actually act. And she's done so even in movies in which she was allowed to use her normal speaking voice. Sassy in Cold Comfort Farm, luminous in the TV mini-series version of Emma, and...with...uh...really short hair in Shooting Fish (we only saw the trailer on that one, and we only remember that it seemed really annoying), Beckinsale can hold her own playing a variety of characters instead of a short range of bland waitresses and "oh, as if" doctorettes.

The world really only needs one pretty, pale British brunette with the ability to, when the situation calls for it, pretend to be American. Why choose the one who spends every scene looking like she's got something stuck in her eye, and sounding like she's got something stuck in her throat?

Advantage: Kate Beckinsale in a walk.