Michael Clarke Duncan vs. Ving Rhames
Battle of the Beefy Black Men

Well, Hollywood certainly isn't a town that trades in stereotypes, if that's what you're thinking. You know that phrase, "Hollywood liberals"? That expression came about because there are a lot of liberals in Hollywood, and liberals certainly aren't bigots. Really! The very idea!

There are plenty of roles for African-American men in Hollywood movies. Why, there's that Eddie Murphy. I saw Holy Man, and I laaaaaughed! And there's that other gentleman -- Sidney Poitier. I haven't seen him in a new movie in a long while, but he's very good -- dignified, you know?

My wife and I saw that new Tom Hanks movie, The Green Hall. It was all about a prison, and Tom Hanks was a guard, and one of the inmates was this large black fellow who had just incredible healing powers. It was almost as if he were Christ-like. And the twist was that he was...well, you know -- simple. And he had been charged with murder. But of course he didn't do it -- he couldn't have, you see. It was all very thought-provoking. And there was a mouse. Whooo -- that was one clever mouse! I don't know where they find animals that smart.

Anyway, the black fellow was in another movie my wife and I really enjoyed. I think it was called Con Plane and he was a convict then too, only it was the present day, and he was on a plane with a number of other convicts and they took over the plane and escaped! I'll tell you, those convicts were almost as smart as that mouse in the Tom Hanks movie. And then, now that I think about it, he was in another prison movie with that doctor from ER, and he broke out of prison then, too!

What's that? Those were two different men? No...no, I don't think so. They were both black -- I remember that -- and they were both very large. Well, how many large black actors can there be in Hollywood? I'm pretty sure it was the same man.

Well, I don't think it's so unusual that I should think that two large black convicts were played by the same actor. They might as well have been. It's not like anyone in Hollywood is going to cast either of them as a sculptor or a district attorney or something. It just makes sense that large black actors should play large black convicts -- at least, if they want to work in Hollywood. Or they could play bodyguards. Or bouncers. Or gang leaders.

Of course Hollywood casting directors aren't racist! They're just holding a mirror up to society, for heaven's sake!

You know, I really don't care for your tone.

Advantage: Michael Clarke Duncan. He's beefier.