Sherilyn Fenn vs. Claire Forlani vs. Rena Sofer
Battle of the Bewitching Brunettes

Sherilyn Fenn wasn't Hollywood's first bewitching brunette, of course -- she can trace her lineage back to those two towers of Ja(y)ne: Ms. Mansfield and Ms. Russell.

But on (the appropriately titled, for our purposes) Twin Peaks in 1990, Fenn was cast forever in a generation's imagination as the premiere bewitching brunette of our day -- the raven-haired foil to the vaguely Amish Mädchen Amick and the then-not-as-frightfully-skinny Lara Flynn Boyle.

Hollywood, like Chaucer, likes to cast its women by their hair colour, assuming that lock-hue equals destiny. Blondes are sunny and innocent, brunettes are smouldering and conniving, and redheads...well, they're just so funny!

David Lynch, a careful student of Hollywood conventions, is certainly fascinated with this ongoing blonde vs. brunette La-La-land cage match. (For further details, see Mulholland Drive.) And Fenn was Lynch's brunette bad girl, just as Laura Dern was his favourite wide-eyed goldilocks. As a bonus, Fenn even had that devilish birthmark.

But where is Sherilyn Fenn now? Well, she's apparently checked in to that retirement community known as Straight-to-Video Acres, starring in films like A Man Called Rage and $windle. (Once they start replacing the Ss with dollar signs, you know you're in trouble.)

More importantly, where are Fenn's coal-tressed successors? Where are her raven-haired heirs?

Claire Forlani seemed poised to become a beguiling, if not entirely bewitching, brunette, but then everyone saw Meet Joe Black. Forlani is certainly beautiful, but when you can't beat Kate Beckinsale in head-to-head combat, you know something is fundamentally flawed.

And so we turn our eyes, and our hopes, to Rena Sofer. For those whose proclivities run toward the midnight-tressed -- those of us who always thought Snow White was hotter than Cinderalla, but who thought the Evil Queen really was the fairest of them all -- Sofer is one of the fairest sofer... er, so far.

Sofer's turned up in memorable cameo roles (as the Jewish TV reporter courting Ben Stiller -- and competing with the blondie Ur-shiksa Jenna Elfman -- in Keeping the Faith) and less memorable roles (anything involving the words Just Shoot Me, which should be retitled Just Remove Me From Your Résumé.)

This fall, she will star in Coupling, a new sitcom that NBC is pitching as "Friends with sex." (And Rachel and Ross were doing what exactly?) This is potentially good news for Sofer's career, but definitely bad news for fans of the bewitching brunette. Sofer's now poised to be the new Courteney Cox -- twitching rather than bewitching -- instead of the new Sherilyn Fenn. (Forlani, meanwhile, is stranded in a snowbank, waiting for a lift back to base camp.)

Maybe it's for the best. With her megawatt smile, Sofer was never bewitching, so much as blinding. Should she go the way of Courteney Cox, another bewitching brunette will be found. Hollywood can only have one at a time, but they definitely need at least one. After all, who will play Ben Stiller's love interest -- as Forlani did in Mystery Men and Sofer did in Keeping the Faith?

Then again, in real life, Stiller is married to the very blonde, former Marcia Brady.

Advantage: Blondes