Ioan Gruffudd vs. Julian McMahon
Battle of the Diabolical Potential Bonds Who Hide Their Accents Well

We don't spend a lot of time analyzing the differences between various Fantastic Four cast members, or even thinking about Fantastic Four, frankly, given that it was one of the more eggheaded and boring of all Marvel comics, and that the film adaptation is notable mainly for taking the most charismatic and well-known member of the cast and covering him with rubber.

But, really, that said, who can tell the difference between Reed Richards and Dr. Doom?

Picture them in your mind. No, don't go to IMDb -- that's cheating. Can you even picture them? If so, can you remember who's who? If so, are you a fanatical Nip/Tuck fan and/or Horatio Hornblower obsessive?

You shouldn't have this problem. Reed and Doom are not that similar in the comic. Richards has grey at his temples and would best be played by Dean Jones, circa That Darn Cat. Doom wears a metal mask. He probably should be played by MF Doom, the rapper from the group Madvillain, because that guy wears a metal mask.

But noooooo. They had to cast Ioan Gruffudd, the talented Welsh actor with the lets-face-it hard to pronounce name, as Reed (we think) and Julian McMahon, the talented Australian actor with the let's-face-it hard-to-remember name as Doom.

Then again, one's from Wales and one's from Australia! Throw another Laverbread on the Barbie, mate! This should be easy!

Nope. They disguise their accents! And they're good at it! They sound like regular movie-version Americans! They could be dad-blammed next-door neighbors! In Idaho!

Then throw in the fact that they're both often mentioned as potential James Bond replacements. Our heads are spinning, people!

Gruffudd and McMahon, though, will no doubt both be fine: McMahon as the skeevy doctor on Nip/Tuck and Gruffudd in roles like the one he thanklessly played in King Arthur, i.e. a dashing guy who's a way better actor than his role requires.

Then one of them will be named as the new Bond, and will rejoice at this great "break," until he realizes that, when it comes to Bonds, there's been Sean Connery and then there's been everyone else who played Bond.

Chris Evans, who plays the Human Torch, seems very charismatic, though. Then again, he's on fire for the whole movie.

Advantage: McMahon. Sorry, Wales, but his name is just easier to pronounce, for us non-Walies. And if anyone understands how names are destiny, it's got to be a guy named Victor Von Doom. If he was Victor Von Sunshine, there wouldn't be a movie, now, would there?