Rachel McAdams vs. Elizabeth Banks
Battle of the Bubbly Belles

Those of you who don't live in Canada probably aren't as aware, as those of us who are, that Rachel McAdams is definitely going to be the next famous actress. You may not know that she's a pretty, humble, sparkly, sweet-natured, ambitious, talented, angelic, omnipotent, immortal young actor. She's really, really something special. And because she is one of our own, and we in Canada don't acknowledge or care about anything or anyone until Americans know what or who it is, Canadians are getting the hard sell on her now that she's had some cross-border success. We don't even have to go out of our way to learn about her: by osmosis alone, I can tell where she was born; how old she is; where she went to university (and whether she graduated); what Canadian shows and movies she made before heading south; what her natural hair colour is; who her co-stars are on her next movie; which prescription drugs she takes; what she ate for dinner last night; and how many eyelashes she has on each eye.

The media onslaught isn't going to end anytime soon; McAdams is majoring in It Girl and getting top marks. She only has three U.S. movies to her credit, so far, but that hasn't stopped her publicity team from positioning her as the next Sandra Bullock (and not just because she's nailed Ryan Gosling...at least, on film). In the weeks before The Notebook opened, we woke up at 3 AM one night to find a truck outside projecting her image onto our bedroom ceiling. She's pretty! She's versatile! She's all-new! Add her to your starlet collection today! Just put her in the spot on your shelf where Elizabeth Banks used to be.

Elizabeth Banks has got to be pissed off right now. If she had achieved the fame sufficient to power a team of sycophantic support staffers, she'd be reaming them out. But she didn't achieve sufficient fame. And now, thanks to the ascendancy of Rachel McAdams, her identical twin, she probably never will have her own entourage of hangers-on and suck-ups, and therefore might as well just quit show business right now, because if you don't have that, what's the point?

It doesn't even matter that Banks was here first. McAdams may have been following directly in Banks's path, but she took much bigger strides and outpaced Banks easily. Like: Banks was in the ensemble of the subversive cult comedy Wet Hot American Summer; McAdams starred in the subversive cult comedy Mean Girls, which may not have been as funny (okay, it definitely wasn't), but made a lot more money. McAdams's embarrassing bad comedy (The Hot Chick) wasn't nearly the potentially career-ending stain that Banks's embarrasing bad comedy was (because she was in Swept Away -- yes, the one with Madonna). Banks also appeared in two period films before McAdams had done one, but Banks was a mere supporting player in hers -- a noble young wife in Seabiscuit and a ditzy bank teller in Catch Me If You Can -- and both those put together don't add up to half as big a role as McAdams's Allie Hamilton in The Notebook. Banks just cannot do anything McAdams won't top. If Banks gets a good part, McAdams will get a better one. If Banks gets pregnant, McAdams will get pregnant with quintuplets. If Banks wins an Oscar, McAdams will win a Nobel Prize. If Banks runs for President and wins, McAdams will direct a muckraking documentary about her that makes Banks look imbecilic at best, and criminal at worst.

The only thing Banks has done that McAdams hasn't matched and surpassed is, she's appeared in a major film franchise -- as Miss Brant in the Spider-Man films. But then again, Banks had fewer than ten lines across both films. Just watch -- McAdams will get cast as Wonder Woman next week.

Advantage: McAdams, duh. She got to french Ryan Gosling!