Jason Schwartzman vs. Jason Biggs
Battle of the Lovable, Irascible Dweebs

While it's true that the 2 Stars, One Slot concept is, in some broad sense, a form of public service -- insofar as it serves to point out certain redundancies and inefficiencies that we feel Hollywood might want to address -- we generally think of ourselves as objective arbiters rather than embroiled advocates. Not this time.

You see, about two years ago, there were two Jasons: one named Biggs, and one named Schwartzman. One had done one movie and one soap opera appearance. The other had done...well, nothing. Then one (Schwartzman) turned in a sensitive and self-assured performance as Max Fischer in Rushmore that was the centerpiece of the year's finest film. The other fucked a pie.

Now, we're not against pie-fucking per se, but we do feel that in a just universe, the former feat would count for more than the latter. And, in a just universe, maybe it would. But not in this one.

This year, Jason Biggs -- a.k.a. the Pie Fucker -- can be seen in not one but four new movies, in which he continues to riff on the character he played in American Pie: i.e. a lovable dweeb. One of his movies, in fact, is entitled Loser, in which he plays the titular role, and -- guess what! -- turns out to be a winner. Might we point out that there's a perfectly great lovable dweeb out there who's starring in not one but ZERO movies in 2000? Okay, we don't wish material like Loser on Mr. Schwartzman, but we do wish material on Mr. Schwartzman.

Please, Hollywood. Yes, they are both named Jason, but, no, they are not the same person. And just because one was in a pastry-copulation movie that made a lot of money doesn't mean he should be the one that you all go running to, lovable-dweeb-starring scripts in hand. Okay, maybe it does. But it shouldn't. Can't it be different this time? Just this once?

Advantage: Sadly, Jason Biggs.