Spin, baby, spin -- spinoff inferno! Take a look at some of the movie-spinoff TV series that will be in the networks' pipelines in, oh, say, three and a half years. Seriously. We went to the future to get the info for you. Treat it with the respect it deserves.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, featuring the voices of Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Patrick Stewart, Katey Sagal, Jason Alexander, and Alec Baldwin, Saturdays at 11 AM on CBS

You loved the syndicated series! You marveled at the reality show! Now romp along with Frodo, Sam, and the gang in this new animated adventures! Frodo (voice of Elijah Wood) and Sam (voice of Sean Astin) return home to find life in the shire as hectic -- and hilarious -- as ever! The whole village is abuzz, thanks to an attractive new arrival: Hobbitina (voice of Katey Sagal)! Oh, the mischief the Hobbits get up to, falling over each other trying to win her heart -- or at least her attention! Olden Hobbit (voice of Patrick Stewart) doesn't like this one bit! Don't these Hobbits know there's work to be done! They need to collect their Hobbitnuts, the delicious food they crave! And though the evil wizard Saruman may have been vanquished, his stepson, Meanuman (voice of Alec Baldwin), is still out there -- and he's up to no good! He and his pet lynx, Sir Lynxalot, are cooking up all manner of traps and tortures for the unsuspecting li'l Hobbits. Watch as Meanuman scrambles after the Hobbits, looking to sweep them into his homemade wicker Hobbit trap. But who's that underfoot -- why, it's Pippin (voice of Jason Alexander)! And he's sneaking a nap! Looks like Meanuman is about to take a little "trip"! Pippin snoozes, Meanuman loses! And the fun doesn't have to end on Saturday morning! Take the whole crew home with you -- with the new Hobbit figurines! Collect them all! (Available at Arby's.)

Lost in Translation, starring Amy Jo Johnson and Jim Belushi, Mondays at 10 PM on NBC

In the elegant Tokyo Hyatt, Charlotte (Amy Jo Johnson) -- often left alone while her photographer husband John (Christopher Gorham) works -- has little to do but read, lie about in her underwear, and change the lives of the restless middle-aged American men who cross her path in the hotel. In the pilot, Charlotte meets aging movie star Bob Harris (Jim Belushi), who quickly becomes besotted with her as they explore the karaoke boxes and suchi bars of Japan. At the end of the episode, Bob passionately -- and in exhaustive, entirely audible detail -- declares his love for Charlotte, and they plan to continue their tryst periodically while remaining married to their current spouses. But Charlotte has her youthful magic to work on yet more dissatisfied fiftysomething male business travelers. In later episodes, Charlotte helps disgruntled CPA Jim (Bruce Davison) to reconnect with his love of adding figures by taking him on an inspirational tour of a local calculator factory; brings pharmaceutical salesman Eric (Joe Morton) back from a flirtation with a midlife adoption of vegetarianism by taking him out for Kobe beef; and helps heavyset Horace (Ernie Sabella) to embrace his size by accompanying him to a sumo wrestling match. But even as she dallies with these Bobby-come-latelys -- and her husband, occasionally -- Charlotte's heart and sheer pink panties belong to Bob, who visits to rekindle their affair, coincidentally in November, February, and May! You won't want to miss the season finale; John becomes suspicious about Charlotte's activities in her absence when he finds an inside-out camouflage t-shirt hidden in her dresser drawer. Will Charlotte bother to assuage his fears about her fidelity, or make a new life with Bob, working at the Sanrio factory? Konichiwa, romance and suspense!

Master and Commander, starring Michael Ironside and Craig Bierko, Wednesdays at 8 PM on Bravo

Patrick O'Brian produced dozens of volumes of source material about the characters we met in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, but why hew so closely to the stories his biggest fans already know when there are so many other adventures his characters could behaving? Contemporary TV writers to the rescue! In the nineteenth century, Capt. Jack Aubrey (Michael Ironside) and Dr. Stephen Maturin (Craig Bierko) sail the high seas under the flag of the British navy, pursuing pirates, interesting natural specimens, and...love? Yes, what was only hinted at in the film is explored in more depth in the TV series -- namely, the deep love affair shared by the cool, logical Maturin and the fiery, impulsive Aubrey. You knnow what they say about the attraction of opposites -- and Aubrey and Maturin don't make beautiful music together only when they duet on their cello and violin! When they aren't pursuing French frigates or preventing mutinies, Maturin and Aubrey visit exotic Antigua, where they go on a shopping spree assisted by a series of ever-more-flamboyant store clerks (the Fab Five of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy); collaborate on several deceptive letters to Aubrey's putative fiancée Isabel (Jenna Elfman) back in England; and sanctify their union in a secret ceremony in Tortola, presided over by a rogue priest (Harvey Fierstein). Sure, they're having a gay old time, but you know what they say: women and seamen don't mix!

Mystic River, starring Gary Cole, Morris Chestnut, and Stephen Dorff, Fridays at 10 PM on ABC

Homicide detectives Sean Devine (Gary Cole) and Whitey Powers (Morris Chestnut) don't just patrol the mean streets of this tightly knit, hardscrabble, working-class Boston neighbourhood -- they live there as well. So each week, as they solve a new crime, they can't help digging up old secrets. And some of those secrets are better left undug. In the pilot episode, Devine gets a tip on a missing little girl, whose body may or may not be buried under homeplate at Fenway Park. To complicate matters, the girl is the former best friend of the little sister of the blind paperboy who once delivered the Globe to the store of local crime boss/convenience store owner/Devine childhood chum Jimmy Markum (Stephen Dorff). Markum, meanwhile, grows testy as he waits on a huge shipment of bottled water that's late for delivery to his store. Old tensions bubble to the surface when Devine and Powers commandeer an approaching delivery truck, prompting Markum to run from his store shouting, "Is that my water in there!?! Sean -- is that my water in there!?!" Is Jimmy somehow involved in the disappearance of his one-time blind paperboy's younger sister's former best friend? And what's Markum's scheming wife (Paula Marshall) doing lurking over in the laundromat, evilly fingering those boxers? And why has Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra (appearing as himself) left Whitey a message to meet him at midnight in the shadow of the Green Monster? In this neighbourhood, only two things are ever certain: No one is truly innocent. And you can never, never rule out the mute. Green Monster, indeed.

Timebiscuit, starring starring Brendan Fehr, Tom Skerritt, and John De Lancie, Sundays at 9 PM on UPN

One afternoon, while half-blind jockey Red Pollard (Brendan Fehr) and crusty trainer Tom Smith (Tom Skerritt) are putting the fabled Seabiscuit through her paces, they witness the blossoming of a nearby nuclear test -- one that gives this prize-winning racer a surprising new power. Suddenly, Seabiscuit can gallop backward and forward -- through time! Join Red, Tom, and the newly rechristened Timebiscuit as they cantor along the slipstream -- right to the 1950s-era segregationist South. A black woman desperately needs to deliver her baby -- but the hospital is strictly Whites Only! So Red challenges the hospital president (special guest star John Larroquette) -- himself a horse-racing aficionado -- to a winner-take-all derby. If his mare wins, the policy stands. But if Timebiscuit takes it, then it's doors open to everyone! Watch as Red drives Timebiscuit to beat racism -- by a nose! They're into the home sstretch -- of justice! Then return each week as owner Charles Howard (John De Lancie) directs his team to a new crisis in history that can only be fixed through horse-racing! Saddle up!