1. She's now generally regarded as the preeminent pop star of her era.

• For deftly avoiding the "Fat Elvis" stage of her career : +3

2. She continued to reinvent herself successfully with latest release, Music.

• For displaying an uncanny knack to exploit, then discard, the hot record producer of the moment in her ongoing quest to outrun obsolescence: +3

3. She mothered Ritchie's child, a son named Rocco.

• For selfishly saddling child with cutesy, ironic name: -1

4. She plans to permanently relocate to England.

• For sensing that North America just doesn't care anymore: +2

5. She's recently been spotted frequenting Princess Di's old haunts, such as San Lorenzo.

• For ghoulishly positioning herself as new tabloid darling of Fleet Street in ongoing quest to sate her vampiric lust for attention: -2

Mate Rating » 5 out of 10

When Stars Mate: The Methodology

When you're a fully-fledged celebrity, doing nothing in your spare time but appearing on talk shows and soaking up free champagne at movie premieres, it stands to reason that the only people you ever meet are other celebrities. Hence: The All-Celebrity Hook-up, which very often makes a successful transition to The All-Celebrity Relationship.

The problem is, if you're a celebrity, the odds are that your worth, and that of your mate's, will never be evenly matched. Therefore, when you meet and fall in love with another celebrity, either your worth, or that of your mate, will necessarily go down.

When Stars Mate is a service of Fametracker for celebrities dating, or married to, other celebrities. Fametracker will use this space to determine who in current celeb/celeb pairings has gained by the relationship, who has lost, and how the balance of power could be altered.

1. He directed his breakout crime caper film, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, in 1998.

• For jumping on the Tarantino bandwagon four years too late: -1; Mitigating factor -- it worked: +2

2. He started dating Madonna.

• For cannily parlaying one hit hipster movie into a relationship with world's most famous rock star: +3

3. He fathered Madonna's child, a son named Rocco.

• Think about it: "Rocco Ritchie": -1

4. He's now working on new film with the "shocking" title Snatch.

• For absorbing fiancée's talent for creating substanceless controversy: +3

5. He will now forever more be known as Mr. Madonna

• For looking bewildered in every photo taken of the two of them, as though thinking, rightly, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?": -3

Mate Rating » 3 out of 10

Like any Faustian bargain, these nuptials are a double-edged sword for Mr. Ritchie: on the one hand, he's bumped up his Q rating permanently; on the other, nothing he ever directs again will be taken seriously, or, at least, reviewed without the phrase "Madonna's husband" in the lead paragraph. So Madonna comes out the winner in this union, insofar as news of it has gotten her back in the warm, nurturing glow of the spotlight, also known as the incubator of her soul.