1. She spent ten years playing Donna Martin on Beverly Hills 90210.

• "Donna Martin Graduates!" -- still a kick-ass episode, a classic catchphrase, and a great pop-culture moment, and good GOD when are they going to release DVDs?!: +3
• However, being one of the show's few stars to last the whole length of the series was as bad a move for her as it was for Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green: -1
• And I think we're all over hearing the legend of how she didn't get cast because her daddy produced the show, because she auditioned pseudonymously. Wait, did we say "legend"? We meant myth: -1

2. She has acquitted herself fairly well in indie films such as Trick and The House Of Yes.

• For being savvy enough about her career to try edgy roles: +2

3. She has also starred in ten made-for-TV movies -- many of those for Lifetime -- in which she plays either conniving bitches or saintly women in jeopardy.

• Only ten? We thought it was lots more than that: +2
• One was called Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?, which is so bad that it comes all the way back around to being good: +1

4. She reportedly has newly augmented breasts.

• On the one hand, they're giant and porny: -2
• On the other, in the photo we saw, they were big enough to pull focus from the keyhole-shaped patch of scar tissue that's been horrifying us since the mid-'90s: +3

5. She is currently starring in VH1's So noTORIous, playing a fictionalized version of herself.

• For making herself this year's Kirstie Alley: -3

Mate Rating » 4 out of 10

When Stars Mate: The Methodology

When you're a fully-fledged celebrity, doing nothing in your spare time but appearing on talk shows and soaking up free champagne at movie premieres, it stands to reason that the only people you ever meet are other celebrities. Hence: The All-Celebrity Hook-up, which very often makes a successful transition to The All-Celebrity Relationship.

The problem is, if you're a celebrity, the odds are that your worth, and that of your mate's, will never be evenly matched. Therefore, when you meet and fall in love with another celebrity, either your worth, or that of your mate, will necessarily go down.

When Stars Mate is a service of Fametracker for celebrities dating, or married to, other celebrities. Fametracker will use this space to determine who in current celeb/celeb pairings has gained by the relationship, who has lost, and how the balance of power could be altered.

1. He has guest-starred on such popular TV series as Without A Trace and The Closer.

• A lot of people like those shows: +2
• We're betting you could watch his episodes the whole way through and not be able to pick him out of a police-department-style photo-array one second after they'd ended: -1

2. As a working Canadian actor, he has worked extensively in productions filmed north of the border.

• To wit: Earth: Final Conflict, Due South, La Femme Nikita, Relic Hunter, and Exploring Ontario's Provincial Parks: -3

3. In 2005, he divorced Mary Jo Eustace, his wife of twelve years:

• It seems scummy, but we've seen What's For Dinner?, and she is a right bitch: +2

4. 2005 also saw the arrival of his and Eustace's second child.

• ...He knew that no one would ever liken him to Billy Crudup because of their comparable acting skills?: -1

5. His left bicep is almost entirely taken up with a tattooed likeness of Spelling.

• We can't see what he's wearing from the waist down in that shot, but we kind of have to assume it's a pair of Bad Idea Jeans: -4

Mate Rating » -5 out of 10

Clearly, Tori Spelling is no great catch. Maybe she was, back when it seemed like her grotesquely rich father could die any minute (just because he's 873 years old, but now doesn't it seem like he was never made of organic material anyway and therefore will someday be riding out the apocalypse with Cher?) and she'd inherit his obscene wealth. But now she's broke and her parents hate her, and she's given up her lifetime membership at the Spelling bowling alley for...this guy? Really? The two of them together have a negative Mate Rating. Someone needs to show Spelling the numbers on this. Well, someone needs to explain basic math to her and then show her the numbers. Yeah, his arm will look dumb after they've broken up, but...it already looks dumb now.