1. She parlayed a string of mediocre films -- The Phantom, Entrapment, The Haunting -- into a high-profile Hollywood marriage.

• For understanding that Hollywood's streets are paved with gold, but sometimes you have to dig for it: +4

2. She once appeared on the cover of Maxim.

• For garnering an honor usually reserved for the likes of Kristy Swanson and Gena Lee Nolin: -1

3. She told Vanity Fair that the day she gave birth to her son was "probably the best day of my life."

• For the "probably": -1

4. She told Vanity Fair that she weaned her son off of breast-feeding after a couple of months because she was tired of being a "milking machine."

• For abandoning breastfeeding in order to go back to her regular routine of breast-showing-offing: -1

5. She signed a prenup that guarantees her $2.8 million for every year that the marriage lasts.

• For giving herself something to think about every time she has to look at that flabby ass: +3

Mate Rating » 4 out of 10

When Stars Mate: The Methodology

When you're a fully-fledged celebrity, doing nothing in your spare time but appearing on talk shows and soaking up free champagne at movie premieres, it stands to reason that the only people you ever meet are other celebrities. Hence: The All-Celebrity Hook-up, which very often makes a successful transition to The All-Celebrity Relationship.

The problem is, if you're a celebrity, the odds are that your worth, and that of your mate's, will never be evenly matched. Therefore, when you meet and fall in love with another celebrity, either your worth, or that of your mate, will necessarily go down.

When Stars Mate is a service of Fametracker for celebrities dating, or married to, other celebrities. Fametracker will use this space to determine who in current celeb/celeb pairings has gained by the relationship, who has lost, and how the balance of power could be altered.

1. He's the son of Kirk Douglas.

• For being legitimate Hollywood royalty: +4

2. He's won two Oscars, one for producing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and one for playing Gordon Gekko in Wall Street.

• For having a hand in one of the great films of the seventies: +2; for personifying the eighties: +2

3. He starred in Basic Instinct.

• For showing us that flabby ass: -1

4. He's a confessed sex addict.

• For pretending that a boundless need for ego-gratification is some kind of medical affliction: -1

5. He's an official U.N. Ambassador of Peace.

• For teaching the children of the world that everyone should care about world peace, even people who just can't get enough humping: +1

Mate Rating » 7 out of 10

Catherine Zeta-Jones is now living a real-life fairy tale -- you know, the one where the princess marries an oily-haired prince who's older than either of her parents. Oh, and she had to pop out his baby too, but she's already shed the weight, America! And she's made some nanny very, very happy. All in all, a half-dozen years of sex with a wrinkly old simulacrum of your dad is hardly a high price to pay for several million dollars and the chance to be to Hollywood royalty what Koo Stark was to British royalty.