Welcome, everyone, to the very first issue of the new weekly incarnation of Us. As the magazine is still "under construction," we ask that you watch your heads and lower your expectations as we enter the magazine.

As we move past the eye-catching cover (where you'll notice that we've landed mega-star-of-the-last-few-moments Julia Roberts -- and no, folks, that's not pick-up art) let me answer the question that's undoubtedly on all of your minds: Why? Or, more succinctly, is the world really crying out for a weekly, printed version of Entertainment Tonight?

To answer that question, why don't I introduce you to our editor-in-chief, Terry McDonnell. Right this way, please.

Page 18: Editor's Letter. Here, McDonnell lays down the magazine's core philosophy in one nifty catchphrase: "Because a Lot Can Happen in a Week!" Sure, Entertainment Tonight is on every night, but there's only so much softball blowjobbery you can cram into a half an hour. And besides, the new Us Weekly is so much more than celebrity profillatio. It's also every currently successful entertainment magazine rolled into one! We've collected all the best elements from each and every one of our competitors and assembled them into one completely derivative, largely unnecessary weekly package. Welcome!

But I'll let Terry tell you all about it. After acknowledging that "you insist on news, not hype," he promises to deliver "the penetrating detail that makes a profile ring true (Tobey Maguire, page 98)" and "the provocative photograph that will help you see someone in a new and surprising way (Julia Roberts portfolio, page 72)." Penetrating details? Provocative photographs? This really is a new Us! Let's get to it!

Page 22: Here we find the weekly gossip section, called "The Hot Stuff." Watch your fingers! You just might burn yourself on such sizzling tidbits as Amanda Peet being cast in Pearl Harbor, or rumours that Backstreet Boys A.J. McLean may propose to his girlfriend. This is the news the stars don't want you to hear! I'm sure it was with great reluctance that Lauren Holly's publicist let slip the tale of how Lauren and beau Scott Rosenberg canceled their planned Las Vegas elopement at the last minute! And Gwyneth Paltrow's publicist no doubt had serious second thoughts after dishing up the tale of how Gwynnie's "camel suede hip-huggers split wide open" at the premiere for The Next Best Thing. And here's the story behind the story: "the Academy Award-winning actress wrapped a pal's pink pashmina around her waist." Expect Us to be 'rapped' with a lawsuit after printing such scandalous secrets!

And for you Movieline fans, there's even a saucy "blind" item to keep you guessing: "Which rehabbed rocker is finding that some old habits are hard to break? The scantily clad hell-raiser was seen stumbling around a recent private bash at a Hollywood mansion after lighting up -- and inhaling -- with her new boyfriend." Scantily clad? Lighting up? Hollywood rocker smokes joint?! No wonder they can't print the names! Why, this almost sounds like real gossip!

All in all, a pretty "hot" gossip column, especially considering Jann Wenner, the magazine's publisher, went out of his way to publicly reassure celebrities everywhere that this new magazine would be very celebrity-friendly. Because, as he said, a lot of his best friends are celebrities! And why would he want to upset his best friends?! Well, I bet there's one occasional joint-smoking rehabbed rock star out there who may or may not wait a day or two before returning Jann's next phone call!

Page 26: Faces & Places. This is where we stick the the badly-lit paparazzi shots of celebrities. This section of Us was formerly known as "the cover."

Page 45: Newsbreak. This is where we explore recent headlines in the world of entertainment, such as Vince Gill wedding Amy Grant, Halle Berry's hit and run, and the different lawsuits pending against Boys Don't Cry, The Hurricane, The Insider, and Music of the Heart, launched by people portrayed in the movies. There's some interesting stuff in that last piece, though you won't want to linger too long, because just around the corner we've got...

Page 52: Pop Life. This week, it's a Q&A with Marc Anthony. At first glance, you might wonder why we have a big picture of Marc with his face covered with kisses, and another, smaller picture of a squinty Marc just above...except that's no squinty Marc! It's Carson Daly! That's right! This is Pop Life with Carson Daly! And he's squinting, because, well, this is serious journalism. What happens when you pair a serious journalist like Carson Daly with a serious artist like Marc Anthony? You get exchanges like this:

Carson: If you could bring back one person from the dead, who would it be?

Marc: John Lennon. I'd like to just sit in the room and see what the hell he was all about.

I don't know about you, but I'd say the same about Carson! What the hell is he all about? Besides serious journalism, of course!

Page 59: This Week. Where we provide People-style mini-reviews of all the latest movies, books, TV shows, records, and websites. Plus, added bonuses like "This Week on Talk TV," for all of you who didn't have a chance to glance over Entertainment Weekly's "On the Couch." Or "Live Wire," in which we report that "when Britney Spears takes her act back on the road, expect skimpy outfits, dance routines and, or course, lip-syncing. But don't bet on a glimpse of English royalty or famous boy band members. Despite rumors about both Prince William and 'N Sync's Justin Timberlake, the 18-year-old says, 'Music is my first love.'" If you listen closely, you can almost hear the Entertainment Tonight theme music playing in the background. "Dah-da-da-da-da-da, dah-da-da-da-da!!"

Page 72: Welcome to the Julia Roberts portfolio. Now, keep an eye out for "the provocative photograph that will help you see someone in a new and surprising way." Is it this first one, of Julia Roberts in black and white, wearing a leather top? Or maybe this one of her in black and white, laughing? Or this next one, of Julia Roberts in black and white, wearing a leather top? Actually, it's none of the above! It's actually the pick-up shot of Benjamin Bratt on page 79, wearing an unbuttoned white shirt, leather pants, and big, toothy smile. It's Ben Bratt as Erik Estrada! Now that's provocative!

Page 97: While you can take a pass on most of the humdrum profile of Bijou Phillips, you won't want to miss this little reportorial gem from the writer, David Wild: "I arrive ten minutes late for my second appointed meeting with Phillips....I am startled to catch a glimpse of Phillips standing naked in her living room in front of the picture window. I cast my gaze in another direction immediately. OK, almost immediately." Hey, David, thanks for sharing!

And as we move through the magazine, I'd like to direct your attention to the nifty design element we've incorporated, where we give the date at the beginning of each section, written out in this elegant configuration: 3.27.00. Pretty cool, huh? We definitely thought so, especially when we saw it first in The New York Times Magazine. Hey, New York Times Magazine, thanks for sharing!

Page 98: A profile of Tobey Maguire. Don't blink, or you might miss "the penetrating detail that makes a profile ring true." We certainly did! Maybe it was this: "'I love video games,' he offers over the pizza he finally orders, adding a bit more dimension to the profiles that have grown along with this roles. 'I love going out until very late. I love to travel the world. I'm just a young man who's interested in things.'" Hurry up and order that pizza already, Tobey! And don't add too many more dimensions to the profile! One is quite enough, thank you!

Page 112: A big long Q&A with Tipper Gore at her home, that starts like this:

Us: This is such a beautiful place. How does it feel to be leaving soon?

Tipper: We planted all the trees out there. We brought back native plantings.

Move along, folks. Nothing to read here.

Page 126: The Style section. The working title for this section was "A really short, less glossy version of InStyle." After all, why slog through page after page after page of celebrity-endorsed fashion, when you can simply slog through page of celebrity endorsed-fashion? Do you enjoy celebrity endorsed-fashion, but find InStyle to be a little too demanding? Then come to Us!

Besides, InStyle is a monthly, where as we're a weekly! And "A Lot Can Happen in a Week"! Especially in the world of pashminas and Gucci crystal T-strap sandals (800-234-8224; $1,845)!

Page 144: Which brings us, finally, to the back page, which we call "Picture of the Week." Here, we showcase our very favourite badly-lit paparazzi shot of the week. Also formerly known as "the cover."

Before you leave, though, I'd like to revisit the most interesting page of the whole magazine. You may have missed it on the first trip through. It's page 81 and it's a subscription pitch for the new Us Weekly. On it, you'll notice that there's a picture of the cover of the current issue, except it's not the same cover! That's right! It's a different picture of Julia Roberts, with different cover lines and different secondary stories. I'll let you in on a little behind-the-scenes secret. What probably happened was that the ad department was pushing to send this page out, so they grabbed the working cover, which, in the mad rush to get out this fabulous, premiere issue, was subsequently fiddled with. For example, Bijou Phillips got bumped from the cover for a "Meet the New Charlie's Angels" shot of Cameron Diaz. And a boring, work-in-progress cover line like "Award Show Fashion" got a last minute jazz infusion, ending up as "How to Get Great Cleavage." Why all the last-minute tinkering? No doubt because Jann Wenner has sunk a trunkfull of money into this project, and we have to get it just right, or heads will roll! And Because A Lot Can Happen In A Week! Especially in the world of great cleavage!