Everyone's talking about Mel Gibson's latest directorial effort, Apocalypto -- whether it can possibly stand up to the success of The Passion Of The Christ, whether a passel of neophyte actors can carry a film -- but no one's really talking about making plans to see it. Maybe they would, though, if someone had come up with a catchier tagline than "When the end comes, not everyone is ready to go." What? Look, this is a tough sell: a historical epic about the Mayan civilization on the verge of collapse, performed in something called "Yucatec" that, frankly, sounds like it should be the latest model of Ford SUV. For a movie this tough, a marketer's got to dig deep. So why didn't they go with one of these offerings we found on the Icon Productions office drawing board:

You Zig. They Ziggurat.

My Oh Maya!

You Won't Belize Your Eyes

You Can Run, But Yucatan Hide

It Makes The Inca Look Like A Bunch Of Pussies

What Happened in Chichen Itza, Stayed In Chichen Itza...Until Now

Holy Guacamole

Ditch The Hero -- Learn More About The Development Of The Concept Of Zero

Big City, Small Pox

The Second Greatest Story Ever Told

It Maize Be The Most Important Film You See All Year

All The Caca On Oaxaca

Vote Against Pedro de Alvarado

Mesoamerican Beauty

Mark Your Long Count Calendar

Say Quinoaaaaaaaa?!

You'll Feel Like Chichen Itza Tonight, Like Chichen Itza Tonight

Life On The Maizer's Edge

No One Knows What Killed The Maya, But We're Pretty Sure It Was The Jews