Cinderella Man, coming soon to theatres, arrives with a memorable tagline: "When America was on its knees, he brought us to our feet." Not great -- but consider all the possibilities they rejected...

When America was on its knees, he brought us to our senses

When America was on its knees, he made us clap our hands

When America was down on its knees, he gave us a shoulder to cry on

When America was on its knees, he tickled our ribs

When America was down for the count, he brought us back up by punching someone and making them down for the count

When America was on its knees, he pulled our legs

When America was on its knees, he lent us an ear

When America was on its hands and knees, he pushed Russia over America and laughed

When America was on its knees, he put his nose to the grindstone and his shoulder to the wheel, which was right next to the grindstone

When America was gripped by the Depression, he won several boxing matches

When America was on its knees, he told us to get up off our knees and stop being such simps

When America was at its worst, he promised us things would get better, and they did, eventually

When American was on its knees, he asked America if America had lost a contact lens

When America was on its knees, he rubbed our backs

When America was on the bottom, he was on the top

When America had never been lower, he had never been higher