Today, the face of daytime television is changing. Well, strictly speaking, it's changing back: Rosie O'Donnell -- who hosted her own phenomenally successful, award-winning daytime talk show from 1996 to 2002 -- is replacing Star Jones as one of the co-hosts of ABC's The View. While we're more than a little disappointed that O'Donnell's and Jones's tenures won't overlap; Jones has made quite a few thinly veiled homophobic remarks over the years, and O'Donnell has publicly criticized Jones's materialism and her secretiveness about her recent dramatic weight loss. On the other hand, Elisabeth Hasselbeck will still be there, and Lord knows what'll happen when her ill-considered, poorly argued reactionary rhetoric comes up against O'Donnell's firebrand liberalism. Except infrequent flare-ups, Hasselbeck has been trained into docility; she's not important enough to get away with waving the pro-Bush, anti-choice flag every single day. But O'Donnell is a Hollywood power lesbian who's already made her own money; not only is there no pressure on her to tone herself down, but even before her début, she was already starting to sound like she'd regretted taking the job.

What could the newest member of the View team do to transform the show from soporific daytime reacharound to brilliant daytime train wreck? Come on, Rosie: get cracklin'!

Announce "Wig Week," modelling hairpieces left behind in Star Jones's dressing room

Challenge Elisabeth Hasselbeck to a standup showdown

Insist that Meredith Vieira be replaced by O'Donnell's wife, Kelli

Swear

Appear without makeup

Create a segment called Tom vs. Tom, in which she states which she hates more that week -- Tom Cruise or Tom Selleck -- and why

Challenge Hasselbeck, on camera, to match O'Donnell's six-figure gift to amfAR

Out Queen Latifah

Accept a part-time job publishing another monthly magazine

Start a public feud with Ellen DeGeneres

Start a public feud with Kathy Griffin

Start a public feud with Elton John

Challenge Hasselbeck, on camera, to take in an indigent pregnant teenager and adopt her baby when it's born

Get the Dixie Chicks to record a new theme song for the show

Launch her own line of children's clothing and work in at least three mentions per episode

Broadcast for a month from New Orleans's Lower Ninth Ward, while also joining volunteer clean-up efforts, and challenge Hasselbeck to join her

Declare a boycott of ABC's Ugly Betty

Record each week she's spent on the show by getting a hash mark tattoo, on camera, on her arm

Challenge Hasselbeck to an arm-wrestling match

Blog on camera

Declare her intention to run for President in '08

Give pieces of on-set bric-à-brac away to audience members

Start a public feud with View producer Bill Geddie

Try to start a public feud between Geddie and Live producer Michael Gelman

Out Gelman

Out Hasselbeck's husband Tim

Sing -- but only songs Barbara Walters hates