M. Night Shyamalan has endured unprecedented criticism for his new film, Lady in the Water -- criticism sharpened, perhaps, by the simultaneous release of a hagiographic book about the making of the film.

Only Fametracker, however, can bring you these never-before-published excerpts from the filmmaker's pre-production diaries, which provide crucial insights into his process, and his personality. You'll see the film in a whole new way -- or, better yet, not see the film for whole new reasons:

Dear Diary: Told my kids a bedtime story tonight -- I think this one has real potential. It's about a dumpy janitor who finds something at the bottom of the pool. What is it? Not sure yet -- but I love the pool idea. More later! Brain working!

Dear Diary Watched Splash tonight, tucked in the girls, and continued my bedtime tale. I'd drawn out the whole what's-at-the-bottom-of-the-pool thing as long as I could -- but then I came up with a corker! M. Night strikes again! It's -- wait for it -- one of these naked lady sea-monkey things! You know, a narf! Brilliant. Where do I get these ideas? I'm thinking this could be my next film, which for now I'll just call Untitled Shyamalan Masterpiece.

Dear Diary: Turns out the sea creatures are called "nymphs," but even so -- I like "narfs" better. Sounds kind of like a magical puppet -- or as I like to call them, "muppets." Note to self: write that down somewhere. And I've already got a title for my new film. Ready? Narfin'. Love it.

Dear Diary: Sketched out a few more ideas for Narfin' today. So the narf's at the bottom of a pool and her name is Genius. So she has to find this guy who's the biggest genius in the world, but he's doubting himself, because tiny, evil naysayers keep criticizing his last movie, called The Village. Not sure who'll play the genius in the movie. Maybe De Niro? Pacino? I'll put out some calls.

Dear Diary: So, looks like this film is a go. Just have to get Disney excited -- as if they won't be! From the director who brought you The Village...Signs...and what was that other one called? Untouchable? I always forget that one. "The next chapter in a storied career...Narfin'." "Storied" -- I like that. Story. Hmmm.

Dear Diary: Okay, here's the latest. The narf is named Story -- and she's come to tell a storyteller to keep telling stories, no matter what! Get it? Speaking of the storyteller, had a lunch with Pacino, but I don't know -- just doesn't have that "genius" vibe I'm looking for. Maybe Sir Laurence Olivier. Is that guy still alive?

Dear Diary: I'm thinking Daryl Hannah for the narf. She just seems perfect -- can't put my finger on why. Is she still alive?

Dear Diary: So, Disney seems a little lukewarm. Apparently, they're confused about Narfin's storyline. And they don't like the title. And some chick had to take her kid to a birthday party? Well, sorry, Disney -- looks like Narfin' is one gem you won't be finding at the bottom of your swimming pool! Assuming you're a dumpy janitor! Which you are, studio-wise!

Dear Diary: Been thinking about the bad guy in the film. To inspire myself, I rewatched The Village again. Damn! That ending -- I never see it coming! Gets me every time. Then later, while I was brushing my hair, I got it: wolf-dogs! That grunt! I'm thinking of calling them Eberts.

Dear Diary: For the wolf-dogs, studio nixed Eberts idea, so I decided to call them "scrunts." Also, thinking of Bryce Dallas Howard for the Hannah role. Apparently Hannah's now living in a tree.

Dear Diary: Thinking of a title change: Scrunt And Sensibility. Better than Narfin'? Is there such a thing as "better" in M. Night's world? Or only "best" and "besterer"?

Dear Diary: Met with De Niro. No go.

Dear Diary: Working hard on Narfin'. New studio wants a title change, and an explanation. I said, "You'll have neither! But you will have a giant magical eagle!" Excitement all around.

Dear Diary: Still worried about casting of genius and role of main villain. Was thinking of making villain an Aryan prison gang leader famous for raping children, but who decided to become a film critic instead. Will talk to makeup about covering his dirty, dirty face with weeping sores.

Dear Diary: Everything's set! Production begins today on Lady In The Water! And you'll never guess who I cast as the genius storyteller! Let's just say, the best choice was right in front of me the whole time! In the mirror, that is! Brushing his beautiful hair! That's one twist no one could have seen coming! Now let's get Narfin'!