Remember that time when all those really good movies came out all at once and you'd stand at the theatre and try to decide which one of the many tempting choices you'd go see? Okay, that's over now. Ah, springtime at the multiplex, when the snow melts and the air is filled with the aroma of exposed crap.

And who wants to see movies in the springtime, anyway? Go outside! Throw a ball! Ride a horse! And don't complain about being too busy. Here, in ascending order, we present twenty or so hours of time that have just been freed up in your springtime schedule:

10. Identity

Release Date: April 25
The Plot: A bunch of people all wind up at the same motel at the same time -- and they all have the same birthday!
The Pitch: Motels! Rain! Murder! Shared birthdays!
Why It's Inessential: We kind of want this to be good, but doesn't Identity sound like a Designer Impostor perfume? "If you liked Memento , you'll love...Identity." It reminds us of the time we were at the Duty-Free shop and saw an Obsession knock-off called Observation. Ideally, this movie will indeed turn out to be "Hitchcockian," as promised. More realistically, it will turn out to be "mediocre episode of The Outer Limits-ian."

9. The Core

Release Date: March 28
The Plot: Aaron Eckhart and Hilary Swank are in a race against time to save the Earth's core from stopping spinning and they have to use nukes to something something something and they'd better hurry!
The Pitch: All the tension of Deep Impact with all the emotional resonance of Sphere and all the...er, other emotional resonances of Armageddon.
Why It's Inessential: Boys Don't Cry was on TV the other night. Damn, she is so good in that.

8. It Runs in the Family

Release Date: April 25
The Plot: The tale of a nutty New York family, as portrayed by Kirk Douglas, Michael Douglas, and Cameron Douglas.
The Pitch: It's the movie that finally brings together two screen legends with the son of one of those screen legends! Thanks, dad and granddad!
Why It's Inessential: Too...much...Douglas! Blinded...by...clefts...!

7. Basic

Release Date: March 28
The Plot: From director John "Rollerball" McTiernan comes this story of a "maverick DEA agent" (John Travolta) struggling to unravel conflicting stories about the death of a "badass special ops agent" (Samuel L. Jackson).
The Pitch: (The General's Daughter + Rules of Engagement) x Courage Under Fire
Why It's Inessential: Because EW's synopsis of the film contains both the phrases "badass special ops agent" and "maverick DEA agent." Don't by-the-book agents solve a case now and again? What does it say in the book anyway? Obviously it's not very helpful.

6. What A Girl Wants

Release Date: April 4
The Plot: Little is known about this teen comedy, save for the fact that it borrows its title from a Christina Aguilera hit.
The Pitch: "What a girl wants! What a girl needs!" Everybody!
Why It's Inessential: Have we run out of hit songs from the '50s, '60s, '70s, and '80s so soon? Did someone already make a movie called Pass the Dutchie, about a crazy exchange student from the Netherlands, while we weren't looking?

5. A View from the Top

Release Date: March 21
The Plot: Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Applegate, and Kelly Preston -- together again!
The Pitch: Hey, you know what's really funny? Stewardesses! Like when they do that thing where they point out the exits? Hilarious! And when chicks start catfighting? Rwaaaar! Are you with me, people? And what's with cops and donuts? Hello!
Why It's Inessential: Larry, Moe, Curly; Groucho, Harpo, Chico; Paltrow, Applegate, Preston.

4. Prozac Nation

Release Date: March 14
The Plot: Elizabeth Wurtzel's memoir is turned into a long-delayed movie starring Christina Ricci
The Pitch: Just like Girl, Interrupted, but with the added healing power of Wurtzel.
Why It's Inessential: Weren't you sitting around just the other day thinking "What's been missing from my life recently? I know -- Wurtzel!"

3. Against the Ropes

Release Date: April 25
The Plot: Meg Ryan plays the tough, real-life boxing manager Jackie Kallen, in a film directed by Charles S. Dutton.
The Pitch: When you think "women" and "boxing," what name springs to mind? Meg Ryan? Funny -- us, too!
Why It's Inessential: "That was a great scene study, Meg. A real stretch. I really liked how you managed to almost shed all those tics. Okay class, next week we'll be starting with Strindberg and learning to breathe from our feet, so be sure to wear comfy clothes..."

2. Boat Trip

Release Date: March 21
The Plot: From the EW synopsis: "Cuba Gooding Jr. and Saturday Night Live's Horatio Sanz sign up for a singles cruise for gay men -- accidentally."
The Pitch: We repeat: "Cuba Gooding Jr. and Saturday Night Live's Horatio Sanz sign up for a singles cruise for gay men -- accidentally."
Why It's Inessential: We can only hope the ad campaign will feature the phrase "Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding Jr."

1. From Justin to Kelly: The Rise of Two American Idols

Release Date: April 25
The Plot: Uh...Justin and Kelly. Like in Grease. You know.
The Pitch: Hey, remember that one girl and the guy with the fusilli hair from that show from before!? Now they're in a movie, just like The Fat Boys, Vanilla Ice, and (almost) New Kids on the Block!
Why It's Inessential: Uh...maybe someone should tell them that nobody cares anymore before the movie opens, because otherwise it will just be cruel.

- MFF