Scene. A large rented warehouse in Los Angeles. Several vehicles -- cars, helicopters, a Viper spacecraft from Battlestar Galactica, an eighteen-wheel rig, a supertrain -- are gathered around several folding tables. At one end of the room sits a lectern. On a nearby table, a spread of veggie sticks and squares is laid out.

[Sound of car-horn honking.]

KITT [behind the lectern]: I call this meeting to order. Welcome, everyone, to the first fall meeting in 1985 of the California Automobile and Recreational Vehicle Actor's Co-Operative, or CARVAC.

[Sound of cars honking and helicopter blades whirring.]

KITT: Of course, for our first order of business, it gives me great pleasure to hand over the gavel, by introducing your CARVAC local president for 1985/86 -- ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...Airwolf!

[Airwolf approaches the lectern, hovers.]

AIRWOLF: Thank you, thanks, everyone. Thanks for your support. And let's have a big hand for our outgoing president, Knight Industries Two Thousand! KITT -- you've done a great job.

[Honking, whirring.]

AIRWOLF: And, of course, I can't start without commending my opponent for local president, who gave me a hell of a run in the spring election. Let's have a hand for Blue Thunder!

[Honking, whirring.]

AIRWOLF: I guess we finally settled those Blue Thunder vs. Airwolf arguments!

[Honking, whirring, laughter.]

AIRWOLF: I'm just joshing with you. Blue Thunder, you're a hell of a whirly bird.

BLUE THUNDER: Thank you, Airwolf. Thanks everyone.

FIREFOX: But what about Firefox?

AIRWOLF [pretending not to hear]: And now, on to business. As most of you know, the last few years have been a boon time to be a superintelligent vehicle, combat or otherwise, in Hollywood.

STREETHAWK: Tell me about it! [Revs engine, pops a wheelie.]

AIRWOLF: Please, StreetHawk. We're in a warehouse. It's very echoey. But, of course, we're all ready to celebrate -- and who better to help us than our newly elected social convener, The General Lee! Give him a hand!

GENERAL LEE: [Honks first bars of "Dixie."]

AIRWOLF: Ha ha! You said it, General! But it's not going to be all fun and games this year. As most of you know, our coffers have enjoyed a real windfall, thanks to the success of all of our various series, such as Knight Rider, Airwolf -- I could go on. So let's start with a report from our new treasurer. Everyone, please welcome Screaming Mimi, the helicopter from Riptide!

[Honking, whirring.]

SCREAMING MIMI: --

AIRWOLF: Mimi, why don't you fill us in on our financial situation.

SCREAMING MIMI: --

AIRWOLF: Mimi?

VIPER: He can't talk.

AIRWOLF: What?

VIPER: He's just a helicopter. He can't really do anything. Kind of a crappy helicopter, too. Breaks down a lot.

AIRWOLF: So why did you all vote him to be treasurer?

[Honking, whirring, shrugging.]

VIPER: We liked that painted-on smile. With all the teeth. It's kind of funny.

AIRWOLF: What? Okay, well, I guess my first act as CARVAC president will be to appoint a new treasurer. Supertrain?

SUPERTRAIN: Yep?

AIRWOLF: Would you do us the honour?

SUPERTRAIN: Really? You sure you don't want the Love Boat?

AIRWOLF: Yes, Supertrain.

SUPERTRAIN: 'Cause a lot of people say I'm just the Love Boat on a track. You know, with the passengers resolving their problems and all. I even have an on-board hairdresser.

AIRWOLF: Yes, Supertrain. But the Love Boat has never been as good at figures as you are. Screaming Mimi -- you're fired.

SCREAMING MIMI: --

AIRWOLF: Now, this surplus of funds, the details of which we can get into later, raises several questions for our membership. Of course, you all know where I stand -- I propose we sock this money away in a rainy day fund. That way, we'll have something in reserve if we hit a bad streak. Superintelligent vehicles may be in vogue now, but who knows? This could just be a fad.

VIPER: Bollocks!

GENERAL LEE: I agree with Viper! [Honks first bars of "Dixie."]

AIRWOLF: General, please.

GENERAL LEE: I don't go in for no nay-sayin'! Why, when Dukes of Hazzard was in its heyday, they said, "Good Ol' Boy shows will never last!" But then what happened? A little something called Enos! Fad, my ass! [Honks first bars of "Dixie."]

AIRWOLF: Let's hold off on the honking of "Dixie." As I mentioned to Streethawk, it's very echoey in here.

VIPER I say we use the money for new wax treatments! With soft cloths! For everyone!

[Honking, whirring, cheering.]

KITT: Wait! Superintelligent vehicles -- have you forgotten all the sacrifices made by the forefathers? Have you forgotten what they went through to create a Hollywood in which a souped-up motorcycle or an extremely large eighteen-wheel rig with a fancy dashboard could each have a show of their own?

[KITT flashes his high beams on two portraits, hanging over the lectern: One is of Herbie the Love Bug. The other is of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.]

VIPER: They made their sacrifices! Let us reap the rewards!

KITT: Viper! You've been flying in space to long, chasing Cylons!

VIPER: Yeah, I chase Cylons. What of it? In fact, you've got a red light on the front of you that sweeps back and forth -- just like a Cylon's eye! Is there something you need to tell me?

KITT: Listen, Viper! I may not be programmed to use lethal force, but one more crack out of you and I will pilot you remotely -- right out of here!

AIRWOLF: Please, everyone! Let's not let this ruin our first meeting back from a long summer! We have plenty of time to deal with this issue of abundant funds. After all, the prevalence of primetime TV series starring cars, motorcycles, and helicopters will surely last another twenty years -- at least!

[Honking, whirring, ironic shortsightedness.]

AIRWOLF So let's enjoy ourselves tonight. General Lee?

GENERAL LEE: [Honks first bars of "Dixie."]

AIRWOLF: Ha ha ha! You said it!

[Honking, whirring, laughing. But then -- there is a loud crash.]

KITT: What the --?

VOICE: Sorry -- did I crash the party?

[The vehicles all turn on their headlights to reveal a Trans Am, backlit by the sunlight, pouring through the hole it tore in the wall of the warehouse.]

KITT: No! It's KARR!

AIRWOLF: Who?

KITT: KARR!

SUPERTRAIN: Come again?

KITT: KARR!

VIPER: Not following.

KITT: KARR!

GENERAL LEE: I'm plumb confused! [Honks first bars of "Dixie."]

KITT: KARR! Knight Automated Roving Robot, the original prototype for Knight Industries superintelligent car! Until it turned...evil!

KARR: Not evil, KITT. Just anti-union.

AIRWOLF: You'll never break up CARVAC.

KARR: Bad news, champ. But CARVAC sucks.

[KARR peels out, laughing.]

THE A-TEAM'S VAN: I haven't said much so far, but let's get him!

AIRWOLF: I agree! We can't let something like a rogue superintelligent evil Trans Am, let alone the evolving tastes of an ever more savvy American viewing public, undermine the influence of our union of superintelligent vehicles. Chitty would have wanted it that way. Let's go!

[Honking, whirring, cheering and chasing as the vehicles race into oblivion.]

Fin