Craig on Craig

MFF: Let's start with Craig Bierkey.

WC: Craig Bierko.

MFF: Craig Bierko. He's going out with Janeane Garofalo. Do you know who he is?

Craig: Was he in some kind of football movie? Where he lies down in the middle of the road? And there was a lawsuit?

MFF: You're probably thinking of Craig Sheffer.

WC: But he wasn't in that movie either.

MFF: But he looks like a football player.

WC: Right.

MFF: Who is Craig Bierko? I must admit, I don't know who he is either.

WC: There was a very short-lived TV series -- I can't even remember what it was called.

Craig: Tattinger's?

WC: No. It was with two couples with young babies, and it was about couples with babies. It was Jeremy Piven and Caroline Rhea, who's now on Sabrina the Teenaged Witch, and Julie Warner from Indian Summer, and Craig Bierko was with Julie Warner. He was also in Sour Grapes. And The Thirteenth Floor.

Craig: Sour Grapes!

What about Van Damme?

MFF: Did you ever see Universal Soldier?

Craig: I didn't.

MFF: Have you ever seen a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie?

Craig: I saw...BloodDeath.

MFF: Did you ever see Hard Target, directed by John Woo?

Craig: No, I didn't see that. My brother saw it.

MFF: If a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie came on TV, would you watch it? If you were bored?

WC: If you had a TV?

Craig: Probably not.

MFF: What if we paid you a hundred dollars?

Craig: I'd watch it then.

MFF: What about ten dollars?

Craig: You know, I know that Peter Hyams directed Time Cop.

MFF: Nice.

WC: Who's Peter Hyams? What else has he directed?

Craig: 2010.

MFF: That's a good movie. So he went from 2010 to Time Cop? With that career trajectory, he's probably directing Dangerous Seduction 2 right now.

WC: Ha!

MFF: You can hyperlink that.

How did Blair Witch hype hit Craig?

WC: So you saw the Blair Witch Project?

Craig: I did.

WC: Did you enjoy it?

Craig: I did.

WC: Can you tell us anything about it?

Craig: I thought it was funny that I was at a megaplex, with strobe lights, and glowing cheese nachos, with two thousand people, listening to ultra-THX, watching a terribly made, super 8 film. I thought that was great.

WC: Rebecca Jenkins just walked by.

MFF: Who's that?

WC: She's a Canadian actress.

MFF: Really? To our American readers: never mind.

First words that come to your mind: Shannen Doherty.

Craig: Her eyes aren't even.

MFF: They really aren't. She's quite weird looking.

Craig, who are Hollywood's skinniest actresses?

MFF: Here's an article in US about the "Incredible Shrinking Women," about how women in Hollywood are getting extremely skinny. There are four actresses pictured here as the skinniest in Hollywood. Can you guess who they are?

WC: You're definitely going to get one.

MFF: She's the patron saint of anorexic actresses.

Craig: Oh -- Clarissa [sic]...Flockhart.

WC: Yes!

MFF: The next most famous one is from Dawson's Creek, and she was in Disturbing Behavior.

Craig: Elijah Wood?

WC: Elijah Wood's a boy. And he's not on Dawson's Creek. And he wasn't in Disturbing Behavior.

MFF: And she was in Go.

WC: And she's in Teaching Mrs. Tingle.

Craig: I have no idea. Samantha Fox?

WC: Katie Holmes.

MFF: Okay, the third most famous person here is currently on The Practice, but you might know her from David Lynch's Twin Peaks.

Craig: Camryn Manheim?

WC: She wasn't in Twin Peaks.

MFF: There's some Camryn Manheim/Twin Peaks joke to be made, by I'm not going to be the one to make it.

Craig: Lara Flynn Boyle?

WC: Nice!

MFF: Nice!

Craig: She was also in Happiness.

WC: Nice. Do you think she's sexy?

Craig: Lara Flynn Boyle?

WC: Yes. Who do you think is sexier: her or Parker Posey?

Craig: Parker Posey.

WC: Just look at Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox in this picture [pointing]. Courteney Cox is just gross.

Craig: If Courteney Cox was in that "Dancing in the Dark" video now, Bruce Springsteen would reach down and tear her arm right off her body.