Backstreet's Back -- All Right!

WC: Okay, so here's a picture of the Backstreet Boys. Unfortunately, it doesn't say which one is which. But these two guys [Howie and A.J.]....

Leah: ...are gross.

WC: And they're clones of each other.

Leah: I think this guy [Kevin] is the married one. Nick is supposed to be the pretty boy, because he's blond and all the girls love him.

WC: And he's the girliest-looking one.

MFF: But he became ugly as he got older, don't you think?

Leah: He was cuter when they had the gay songs, like "Backstreet's Back," but now...even he [Brian] is almost cuter than Nick is. And [Brian's] gross.

MFF: Nick sort of beefed out in a very Anthony Michael Hall-ish way.

WC: That's the other thing Leah was saying yesterday.

Leah: Brian and Nick never take off their shirts. There's a video where they're all wearing jackets with no shirts on, and these two have pink shirts on. So I think they're secretly fat.

MFF: It's interesting because if you looked at them in the beginning, Howie's the one who can actually sing. He's the best singer.

Leah: Nick can sing also.

WC: [to MFF] You actually know all their names, do you?

MFF: I think so. Howie. Kevin.

WC: Is that A.J.?

Leah: Brian? A.J.? Nick?

WC: That's Brian? Are you sure? Because I thought that was A.J.

MFF: So Howie's the one who can sing. A.J. is the...Marky Mark's brother. He's the Donnie Wahlberg. He's the street guy. Nick is the pretty boy, although he's clearly not anymore because he got fat. Brian is the preppie. And Kevin is the guy who's only in it because he's really good-looking, and can't sing, as evidenced by his one line in that "I Want It That Way" song.

Leah: That's a good song.

MFF: [sings in monotone] "As long as you're here, and you're here in your heart" at the beginning of the bridge. That's him.

Leah: Girls like Nick.

WC: Because he can sing high?

Leah: Because he can sing harmony.

Then there's the other Boy Bands.

MFF: We didn't get to talk about Fred Durst.

WC: Do you know who Fred Durst is?

Leah: No.

WC: Have you ever heard of a band called Limp Bizkit?

Leah: Yeah.

WC: Do the guys on your [rowing] crew like Limp Bizkit?

Leah: Justin [her boyfriend] does. I think.

WC: Oh dear.

Leah: What do they sing?

MFF: I think their current hit song is called "Nookie."

Leah: Ohhhhh.

MFF: It goes a little something like this: "I did it all for the nookie."

Leah: "What?"

MFF: "The nookie!"

Leah: "What?"

MFF: "The nookie! Come on! So stick it in your ass." Oh no, it's "So you can take that cookie and stick it up your...yeah!" I don't see the connection between nookies, cookies, and sticking anything in your ass, but I'm old.

Leah: Do you know who I like? I forget what they're called.

WC: KoRn?

Leah: NO!

MFF: You love KoRn, don't you?

Leah: The food.

Will the Spice Girls ever make another album?

Leah: No.

MFF: They're Splitsville. Population: the Spice Girls.

WC: They're working on another album, but Mel C has a solo album coming out.

MFF: Yeah, they're working on another album. So are the Beach Boys.

Leah: They took a vote, all five of them, and they all said that Sporty Spice has the best voice, which is why she gets the most solos.

WC: Have you heard Geri Halliwell's new single, "Mi Chico Latino"?

Leah: I don't like her. She's the worst of them all! Why is she even still around?

MFF: It makes "La Isla Bonita" seem like an authentically Latin song. Here's how it came about: she was like, "What are people listening to? Okay, write me a Latin song, for the love of God, please, before my tenuous grip on fame is lost forever."

What does a seventeen-year-old girl think of the aging movie hunks?

WC: Do you know who that is?

Leah: Nicolas...no.

WC: No.

Leah: Oh, he was in a serious movie that I saw a preview for. No, it's gone.

WC: The English Patient?

Leah: Maybe.

WC: Ralph Fiennes.

Leah: I never would have guessed that.

WC: I have a crush on him.

Leah: Wasn't he in Quiz Show?

WC: Yes! Very good. Do you think he's cute.

Leah: Eh. He's old-guy cute.

WC: He's in his thirties.

Leah: Like John Travolta.

WC: Yeah, except John Travolta's in his seventies.

Leah: I think he's ninety now.

WC: Have you seen John Travolta lately? I know you like him from Grease...

Leah: He's like this [holds out her arms to indicate a large belly].

WC: Yes, he is.

MFF: He's a house.

Leah: Do you know why? It's because when he was in Michael, he had to gain a million pounds so he could play the fat angel...

MFF: So he decided to gain two million just to be safe?

Leah: Yeah. And he hasn't been able to lose it.

MFF: They had trouble filming that movie because his field of gravity kept disrupting the placement of all the lights. Things would be drawn into his orbit.

Finally, what about the comedians of yesteryear?

Leah: Eddie Murphy in anything is a bad idea.

WC: You don't think he's funny?

Leah: No.

WC: What have you seen him in lately?

Leah: The Nutty Professor. But I really liked him in Delirious. I almost peed my pants.

WC: You saw that?

Leah: Yeah!

WC: Wow. Kids are still renting Eddie Murphy: Delirious! I was your age when I rented that. In fact, I was a lot younger than you were.

Leah: I was on a bus going to a regatta and it was on TV, and I actually had to go to the bathroom while I was watching because I was laughing so hard.

MFF: I was a teenager when that came out.

Leah: It was from 1984.

WC: You were two when that came out.

MFF: Eddie Murphy crosses generations, really.