Steve Carell Vs. Wristwatches

The Case For Wristwatches

You lead a busy life. You have places to go, things to do, appointments to keep. You are very, very important, and you can't spare a moment for nonsense of any kind. When you need to know how much time you've got before your next meeting, the idea that you'd just wander around looking for clock tower or a bank with an LED sign out front is, frankly, absurd. You need a wristwatch.

In addition to providing instant information on the fly -- not necessarily just the hour but, depending on the kind of model you choose, the date and temperature -- the wristwatch is also a handsome fashion accessory. Few of the pieces of clothing you wear serve any purpose beyond keeping you from getting arrested -- unless you favour earrings that double as throwing stars or rings with cocaine in them; that's your business, and we don't judge -- but your wristwatch can finish off your outfit as well as keep you connected to the rest of the world in such an important way.

We grant that the wristwatch isn't the only form in which wearable timekeeping is commercially available. Before the wristwatch, there was the pocket number that you could keep on a handsome fob or tuck into the front of your vest. But now the vest has been retired to fashion history, and you simply don't have the precious seconds it would take to haul a clock out of your pocket whenever you want to know what time it is. Some apparel manufacturers have also tried putting watches on rings, but come on. Those just look stupid. The wristwatch is still your best and most logical option for staying informed about the time.

The Case For Steve Carell

Steve Carell is at a precarious point in his career. He's already proved that he is funny: he did that in his six years on The Daily Show. He's stolen scenes out from under bigger, more famous co-stars, in Bruce Almighty and Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy. But here's the problem: in all of those roles, he was pretending to be a news anchor. We know he's good at that -- and honestly, if he chose to do nothing else for the rest of his life, we wouldn't be disappointed; that's exactly what we want Jon Stewart to do and why we may organize boycotts of anything he does in the event that he ever leaves The Daily Show, God forbid.

But Carell wants to show us there's more he can do. And God bless: Andy Richter had the same desire when he quit sidekicking for Conan O'Brien, and we've been pretty pleased with most of what he's done. Carell's already impressed us by taking on the extremely difficult and potentially disastrous American version of the Ricky Gervais role on The Office, and put his own stamp on the clueless, self-important office buffoon, now called Michael Scott. But headlining a TV series evidently wasn't enough for Carell, who this week gets above-the-title billing on the heartbreakingly dorky poster for The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Normally, we're a bit wary of movies that give away their entire high-concept premise in their titles -- Kindergarten Cop also probably sold to the studio based on its title alone, and that...sucked ass -- but Virgin reunites Carell with his Anchorman co-star Paul Rudd, sets him opposite the bracingly dry Catherine Keener, and puts them all under the direction of comic genius Judd Apatow; if anything, the danger here is that our expectations are too high.

Carell is a really funny person who likes to work with other funny people to make funny projects. And the world needs a clown.

The Decision

The wristwatch is a handy invention, it's true. But in our day, is it strictly necessary? If you're at your desk, there's a clock on your computer. If you're walking down the street, there's a clock on your PDA or cell phone. Failing all those technologies, you're probably never far from...another person wearing a wristwatch, who will just tell you what time it is if you opt not to wear one yourself.

But while the function Steve Carell fulfills could be performed by someone else -- Stephen Colbert, Robert Smigel, Bob Odenkirk -- it wouldn't be the same. The time is always the time, whether you're reading it off your watch or an illuminated sign on a subway platform; Steve Carell is a comic singularity. And not only that, but since he's at this new stage of his career where he's trying to be a leading man, he's probably so eager to please that he might volunteer to follow you around all day and tell you what time it is.

The Winner

Steve Carell