Alyson Hannigan Vs. Cloth Napkins

The Case For Alyson Hannigan

If just about any other person on the internet were crafting this item, it would probably play out in precisely the opposite way than it is actually going to. Because I ran a TV site when Buffy The Vampire Slayer was still on TV, so I know very well that the hate for Alyson Hannigan, it is strong. Those who weren't irritated by the way her once-adorable character, Willow Rosenberg, turned into a whiny magic junkie toward the end of the series still nurse grudges against her due to rumours that, in real life, Hannigan is a bizzotch. I, on the other hand, ascribe any problems with Willow to the producers who wrote her character, and believe that in order for Hannigan to be a bigger bitch than her one-time co-star Sarah Michelle Gellar, she would have to make a habit of setting Girl Scouts on fire and eating their flambéed corpses. Because, come on. You know Gellar has got to be a full-on See You Next Tuesday and that if Hannigan has maybe earned a reputation as a bit of a prickle, it's probably in reaction to Gellar's relentless Gellar-osity. That's right, internet: I think Alyson Hannigan is cute and charming, and I'm not ashamed to say so.

I grant that Hannigan's niche in pop culture -- playing the girl "dork" who, despite signifiers like "good in school" and "at times, breathlessly loquacious," bears no resemblance to any real dorky girl, what with her lovely skin, apparently perfect vision, and conventionally attractive figure and outfits -- is irksome. And having a CV that features both the American Pie series and this Date Movie abortion is not the sort of pedigree that is likely to cause Rachel McAdams any professional jealousy.

But when it comes to the TV, it's an entirely different story. Instead of contenting herself with the lifetime supply of cred Buffy earned her, Hannigan has found other worlds to conquer: a recurring part on the fabulously culty Veronica Mars and a starring role on the critically beloved How I Met Your Mother. Hannigan's Lily may be the sexiest kindergarten teacher pop culture has ever known (well, all right, since Arnold Schwarzenegger, fine), and the show's first season has found her dealing very relatably with many issues surrounding her upcoming wedding -- not getting hit on when she's wearing her engagement ring; not wanting the elaborate ceremony her fiancé Marshall (the equally winning Jason Segel) does; being baffled by Marshall's midwestern family of pituitary cases -- and wearing some painfully desirable outfits, turning the show into both a comedic pleasure and shopping porn.

The Case For Cloth Napkins

We live in an age when many products are available in both permanent and disposable models -- diapers, cutlery, even cell phones. But while convenience has been gained with the preponderance of such flimsy replacements, much has been sacrificed -- everything from the environment (witness landfills and highway shoulders dotted with paper cups) to our propensity to be careful and not ruin things that are supposed to last us a while.

The move from cloth to paper napkins is, in one sense, just another convenience; it's easier for you to buy a gross of serviettes from the grocery store than it is to wash and iron a clutch of napkins. And yet, a cloth napkin is so much more than just a simple little square of cotton: it's also an indicator as to whether the establishment in which you are dining is a fancy-pants restaurant that cares to keep a laundry service on account or a dive that might as well be a truck stop. Even my very favourite restaurant, which goes to the trouble of keeping candles on its tables and lighting them for a pleasantly intimate dinner experience, can't be in the upper echelon of restaurants because when I get ketchup and burger juice all over my hands and face (...and shirt), all they have to offer me is the same President's Choice paper napkins I have at home. The restaurant may serve delicious food, but it ain't elegant, and neither am I, and it's the absence of cloth napkins that gives us both away.

The Decision

I really feel I was sufficiently voluble in my "case" for Alyson Hannigan in expressing my great admiration for her and her work -- even at the risk of bitter emails from her many, many detractors; I truly do dig her action. As much as I like her, though, I can't pretend as though her presence in a pop-culture product can make that big a difference in how it comes out. It's not as though, for instance, adding her to Boys & Girls vaulted it to the category of "Less Crappy Freddie Prinze Jr. Movies." Someday she may develop that quality -- the ability to class up a movie that otherwise is really nothing special -- but as things stand now...well, Alyson Hannigan just isn't the cloth napkin of actresses.

The Winner

Cloth Napkins