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Yes, Hollywood needs best friends. We understand this. Every lovable romantic lead needs an affable sidekick -- the wisecracking, advice-giving, right-hand man who keeps things in perspective and gives the hero a nudge just when it seems like he's going to miss out on the girl of his dreams. And Jeremy Piven makes a very good best friend. His cracks are wise. His advice is timely. His company, for both the star and the audience, is enjoyable. He's a great guy to have around.
Trouble is, Jeremy Piven is in very grave danger of becoming a professional best friend. Which means he will never get top billing -- or the girl, for that matter. Even when he gets a starring role -- as he did in the short-lived 1998 dramedy Cupid -- his job is to set up other couples. A supernatural best friend! With wings!
We think that's wrong. We know not everyone shares this sentiment, but we like Jeremy Piven. We liked him as the best friend in Grosse Point Blank. We liked him as "Spence" on Ellen, when he parachuted in for the second season to give the show a much-needed infusion of funny. We even liked him in the otherwise unlikable Very Bad Things, in which he impaled a hooker on a bathrobe hook. Okay, we didn't much like him in Rush Hour 2, in which he played a mincing gay man with a sweater 'round his shoulders -- essentially exactly the same offensive stock character Bronson Pinchot played in Beverly Hills Cop. But still, on the balance: like. Like is what we feel for Jeremy Piven.
But arguing for increased fame for Piven is an uphill battle. We realize this. First of all, he's a great best friend. Second, he's balding. Third, he's not just a professional best friend, he's a real-life best friend -- or at least a real-life good friend -- to John Cusack. Which explains why he's showed up as Cusack's best friend in Grosse Pointe Blank and Serendipity and about six other films. Hey! John Cusack! Why don't you play the best friend for once? Why don't you sit Jeremy Piven down and explain to him why he can't let this fantastic girl walk out of his life?
And we didn't much like seeing Jeremy Piven lost in the crowd of Black Hawk Down, in which his no-doubt wisecracking helicopter pilot got about as much screen time as Sam Shepard's cigar. What a waste of Jeremy Piven! So we figured it's time to speak up. Because Jeremy Piven's done his time in best-friend purgatory, and if he doesn't escape soon, he'll be replaced by some hot young up-and-coming best friend, whose cracks are just a little sharper and whose antics just a wee bit more endearing. In other words, Jason Lee.
So please, give Jeremy Piven his shot. Okay, we know: he did Cupid. So give him another shot. Yes, yes -- he's balding. But so's Bruce Willis! And a lot of balding men go to movies, too! Okay, maybe they don't want to see other balding men on screen -- at least, not as the lead. Maybe they prefer to see larger-than-life, hairy-headed men in the lead, so as not to be reminded of their own thinning pates but instead be able to sink into the magical hirsute fantasy of movies. But that's why they invented hair weaves! And they have pretty good ones now, Chuck Norris notwithstanding!
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