Mercury - Stripped naked "Hi, I'm Eddie Murphy or, as you may know me, 'The Reason Anyone's Been Watching SNL For The Past Two Years.' I'm the SNL MVP. And those suits know it, too; how many other cast members can you think of who got to host the show while they were still cast members? I didn't see no Garrett Morris doing that. Now you may also know me as 'The Guy Who Made You Go To A Nick Nolte Movie The First Week It Opened.' And, yeah, now I have this film career going, so I won't be around SNL for long. But don't worry: I'll never forget my roots. I'll continue choosing only the best material and I'll always have time to reconnect with all my good friends at SNL who made me what I am today. All joking trash talk aside, I can promise you right now that there are two things you'll always associate with Eddie Murphy: great movies, and humility."

Venus - Bathing Suit
"Hi, I'm Joe Piscopo. I don't know why Eddie's above me. I'm just as funny as he is. I'm a lot more cut. I'm a more versatile performer -- hell, I even do a better Jesse Jackson impression than he does. (And believe me, I'm working on that one for the long term. Between my Jesse Jackson and my Frank Sinatra, I've got guaranteed work for life.) And I'm bound for bigger and better things too -- even bigger and even better than what Eddie's looking forward to. I'm going to have a great film career too! When you sign me to be in your movie, you're not just getting Joe Piscopo. You're getting Rex Reed, Paul Harvey, and John Kenneth Galbraith, too. Beat that, Gumby."

Earth - Tank Top and underwear
"Hi, I'm Jim Belushi. I know that we're all still a little raw from the recent death of my brother, fellow SNL cast member John. And I'm sure there are some cynics out there who think I only got this gig because I remind people of him, except that I'm a little thinner, a little cheaper, and alive. But I have my own merits, too. In time, I'm sure you'll come to cherish my beloved characters -- like Michael Reagan and 'That White Guy' -- just as much as you loved Jake Blues. I mean, I loved that character too. But I'd never want to do anything to make people think I was trading on John's memory. Not that anyone's asked me to try on any of his own roles. But I'm sure my answer would be the same if they did."

Mars - T-Shirt and Shorts
"Hi, I'm Mary Gross. I'm the soft-spoken female cast member meant to play uptight suburban ladies, and perhaps to put you in mind of Jane Curtin, even though I look so much like my brother and fellow NBC star Michael Gross that I can't pull off her brand of WASPiness even a little bit. I am also tall. And a woman. So you're going to have to put me in skits sometimes, unless you're planning to put Belushi in drag. Which I don't advise."

Jupiter - T-Shirt and Pants
"Hi, I'm Robin Duke. I'm the slightly prettier and slightly more manic female cast member meant to play 'crazy' women characters, and perhaps to put you in mind of Laraine Newman. And since Laraine Newman hasn't really had that much success post-SNL, I plan to cling to this job with every ounce of strength in my spindly arms. And maybe work on a Barbara Walters impression."

Saturn - Long-sleeved Shirt and Pants
"Hi, I'm Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I'm the prettiest female cast member, but it doesn't matter how pretty or funny I am, since all I have to do for the rest of my career is ride my boyfriend's coattails! There he is down there! Hi, honey!"

Uranus - Jacket and Pants
"I'm Brad Hall. Hey sugar. You never need to worry about a thing, babe; there's plenty of room on my coattails for you."

Neptune - Wool Coat, Pants and Lined Boots
"Hi, I'm Gary Kroeger. And there's room for me too, right? I'm the Rod Stewart to Julia's Diana Ross -- the Donny to her Marie! It's inconceivable that she's going to be able to do anything much without me at her side!"

Pluto - Parka and Ski Pants Inside an Insulated Tent
"Hi, I'm Tim Kazurinksy. I'm sure you put me last because you're lining up the cast by height. Because if we were being ranked by talent, I would be the sun."