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O-Lan Jones
Specialty: Ignorant Hicks

Sometimes, biology really is destiny.

Say you're Iman. You're reportedly descended from a Somali royal family. You're blessed with a gorgeous face and regal bearing. And you end up playing models in movies and African queens in Michael Jackson videos.

Say, on the other hand, you're O-Lan Jones. You have the genetic misfortune of being born with gormless bug eyes, jutting buck teeth, and stringy hair. You end up on screen portraying hysterical, small-minded townspeople, quaint servicepersons, and religious fundamentalists.

A frequent member of Tim Burton's ensemble casts, O-Lan Jones is best remembered as Esmeralda, the hysterical organ-playing Christian recluse who is the first to suggest that Edward Scissorhands isn't the gentle-hearted would-be hairstylist he seems. She also turns up in Burton's Mars Attacks! as Sue Ann Norris, trailer-dwelling mama and ignorant hick wife to ignorant hick alarmist gun-lover Joe Don Baker. In Touch, her character is such a confirmed ignorant hick that rather than merit the courtesy of a proper name, she's identified by her wardrobe: "Bib Overalls."

Jones's other recurring role is as a food-service professional -- "Waitress" in the Bubble Boy episode of Seinfeld; "Countergirl" in Shoot the Moon; "Waitress" in Miracle Mile; a waitress (with a name, not that it matters) in Natural Born Killers; and, in a radical departure, "Viewing Bar Waitress" in The Truman Show. She's also plaid a hotel maid, a retail clerk, and a nurse.

Early in her career, Jones had the potential to go in another direction; she played "Pretty Girl" in The Right Stuff. But that was a long time ago. Since then, O-Lan Jones has staked out her plot of character-actor turf bringing life to Hollywood's myriad iterations of the slack-jawed redneck. Long may she mouth-breathe.

- WC